「ライザ」 : Life starts at 17 (or so THEY say. >

Current mood:	distressed
Current music:	Tokyo Jihen - Himitsu

Life starts at 17 (or so THEY say. > |)

I'm pretty much quite exhausted right now, out of thinking. I've been giving lots of thought as to whether it is right for me to "dedicate myself to the arts". I don't know whether it is right for me to take up a CFAD course in College. I don't know.. I'm just, not so sure if it is the best choice as it may not coincide with the type of lifestyle I aspire to have (like being a rich bachelorette with a fashionable closet, own flat that rocks and a sleek matchbox car to boot). I'm also very scared that I'll change my mind halfway and waste invaluable efforts. It pains me to think that I may become a failure. (Or it must be that I'm taking all of this too.. harshly). Sure, my interests and forte strongly lies within the arts (though not completely as I have become open to new stuff as long as it catches my fancy.. but anyway,) I can do Computers and Psychology too. Whichever course it may be, it must be something I'm deeply interested in because that will be the glue me in no matter what happens (heh).

My head hurts right now. I don't know who I should to talk to (I need someone knowledgeable about that certain college and the possible jobs!). D: I'm grateful because unlike many others, my parents gave me the full freedom to choose whichever course and college I wish to go to. I never thought it could work the other way too. It's been really hard for me to decide, it's almost driving me crazy. If I had a fixed course somebody else decided for me then that wouldn't be so bad now I guess.. at least for now (I'd probably hate that completely when the time comes). Mmmmrmrmmmrmrmrmmm.... Supposedly, it's time for me to rest my head for a while.. or not. I haven't studied for the mastery exams for tomorrow yet. ARG!

Senior year makes me want to rip my hair off. The supposedly non-existent stress and pressures are crushing me underneath. And to think I have become really this time from the start...

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Uhm, I'm worried. I have been becoming such a bad riser this school year. So far, the schoolyear hasn't gone past half of it's span and I already got 9 lates! If I get 3-6 more, I'll be doomed. (O_____O) I wouldn't be given a certification of (my) "good moral character". It's a requirement for all the ~~goody two-shoes~~ decent universities out there (including UST, yes). It's time I buy a REAL alarm clock. Hurhmzzz. (- m-")

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I apologize for sounding like a complete whino-retard in this entry. It's just that I'm currently a mixture of different kinds of fatigue and my head is so full of things that I need to spill. Blogs are the best things when it comes to these kinds of situations. *Ha-hum*.

Ignore me.

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EDIT: Now that I've re-read this entry, I must say, I was most probably too tired at that time when I updated. My grammar was a bit off at some parts. I was probably too exhausted to check. :< Oh well.. xD

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thesurgeon
2006-09-05 10:19 (link)

I didn't go to college so I doubt I will be very helpful, but... I think that if you enjoy art as much as you seem to then you should go for it. The money may not be as incredible as what you would get as a high-powered businesswoman but it's more important that you enjoy what you do. Besides, you're hardly a failure. You're an intelligent, kind, and mature girl, and you always will be no matter what you decide to do with your life. Stop worrying! :P
I took Information Communication Technology (computers) for my main class in the final year of school and, although I dropped out before I finished, I'm glad I did it. I could have taken something I knew without a doubt that I would enjoy and excel at, but I didn't. ;]

I wish you good luck in what you choose in the end, hun. ♥

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adimshadow
2006-09-08 06:06 (link)

Your words are helpful, trust me. :) Now that I think about it, what I fear must be that if I indulge myself in something I want, I'd end up spoiling myself and not "succeed". It's pretty weird.. What I also am anxious about is that jobs at this country are -not- as easy to find. (particularly the good ones). I'm afraid that without my parents, I might not be able to stand for myself. D:

I'd probably do best with an art-related course (after believing for so long that I won't ever take it). With it, I'd probably won't mind working at all. That is how it has always been for me. I don't mind losing precious sleep if I can finish a new layout/239794 icons/a drawing/etc. xD

Thanks for taking the time to pay attention to my troublesome rambles. I really appreciate it and it means a lot to me. :,]

Uhm, and I was trying not to bring this up but, why/what made you decide to quit school? :(

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thesurgeon
2006-09-08 11:10 (link)

Anytime. I'm glad to be of help, seriously. You're my friend and I luff you. :P ♥
Jobs are easy to find here and mine just fell into my lap, so I can't offer advice there. I don't think you would be indulging yourself if you take art, though. You're expected to do what you want. Besides that, it isn't like college is the most important thing in life (no matter how much it may feel like it right now.) Just think of it as another year of school. :]
I'm not sure about over there but here we have a lot of new web and graphic design comanies cropping up. I think you would be perfect for something along those lines.

I quit school because I was very ill, mentally. I couldn't cope with school any longer so I just stopped going, and spent a year at home recovering.

This is a bit random, but how do you pronounce your first name? If you don't mind me asking... I mean, I'm pretty sure that I remember what it is but I'm not sure how it is said.

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adimshadow
2006-09-08 17:22 (link)

Haha, if ever I fly to England, help me find a job, k? xD I think it'd be better to work somewhere else other than here. They tend to be more "open" to art. :|

Besides that, it isn't like college is the most important thing in life (no matter how much it may feel like it right now.) Just think of it as another year of school. :]

That's the best thing I've heard in a while. Everyone's fretting over college and it has been really exhausting. :V

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. But it seems you're probably not missing much being away from school. So I guess it's fine. :]

It's Ra-i-za. It's pronounced as is, just like a Japanese name. I always wonder where my mom got it (who's not even fond of the Japanese as much as I am, mm). If I got it right, your name's Hayley? ♥

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thesurgeon
2006-09-09 02:31 (link)

Haha I'd help you if you really wanted me to. XD I suppose that we are open to certain types of art here. Photography, digital, music... painters are often given the cold shoulder. :/ *shrug*

I remember when everybody in my class was worrying about getting into college. I was just sat there, thinking "It's only a year, two at most. After that you have your whole life!"

Ah. It's an interesting name, I like it. :] You're right, I am a Hayley. Hay-lee. XD ♥

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adimshadow
2006-09-11 07:37 (link)

Ahaha, we'll see in a few years. xD Hopefully we'll still be in touch by then? :d ~♥

I have a classmate who's planning to take up Painting in college. I can't believe she can be serious about it though. Hehe, I feel bad now. xD

Mm, you have an interesting way of thinking. Over here, it is drilled into a student's head that education's the most important thing there is and that it's preferable not to deviate from that way of thinking. :\ (At least, that is how I see it. :|).

Now that I think about it, both of my parents were undergrads but now, we're better off than most of the people we know (*not bragging*). I guess college's still not everything. "Success" still depends on the person after all. :]

Thanks~. :D Your name's really cute, I've always thought it is. x3 ♥

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	a lil off topic... goodbyetracy 2006-09-07 10:41 (link)
	sorry... tis a lil off topic... so have you been able to purchase Kuro Tent II yet...? love your layout btw... :) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Re: a lil off topic... adimshadow 2006-09-08 05:13 (link)
	No, not yet. I've been too busy these days (I can't even update this blog as much, huuhuu.. :,<). Uhm, why'd you ask though? ♥ & Thanks, btw~. It's nice to meet/talk to you.. (have we met already somewhere else though? Perhaps LJ? :O My memory is poor so I'll go and blame it again this time xD). (Reply to this) (Parent)